I remember sitting down to write this kind of post last year and feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness about how the year had turned out. Sure there were plenty of good things, but also some so sad I wasn't sure I'd ever get over them. I vowed I'd make 2013 work out better for me, to stop dwelling on the past and what could have been and focus on the here and now. Instead of letting the death of my Nan, and of Lisa drag me down I decided to push forwards and achieve what they had always wanted for me- health and happiness. I don't think I quite believed I'd get there, it's where I've always fallen short before. But here I am, on New Years Day 2014 healthier and happier than I have ever been.
In January 2013 I started to dabble in online dating. I wasn't serious about it, more curious and wishing to take the piss a bit. I started messaging with a guy who had a similar take on it and eventually, after putting him off a couple of times we met for a coffee in March.
The guy was Ben. We've been together 9 months today and I still can't believe my luck in meeting someone so perfect for me.
We laugh a lot, talk even more and he's been there for me every step of the way in my eating disorder recovery, going above and beyond to make sure I don't give up. He's a little bit silly, ever so funny and a incredibly talented musician. 2013 wasn't the kindest of years to him but he never stopped smiling and I am confident that this year things will change for him in the most positive of ways. I even forgive him for being a Leicester City fan (just).
Other highlights of the year included Spain, part 2 where Ellie and I spent almost two whole weeks basking in the sunshine and soaking up the culture. I thought our first holiday was brilliant but this just trumped it. We saw, experienced and tasted so much more and I came back feeling motivated and excited by all life had to offer.
In the time since I've been back I've devoted myself entirely to recovering from anorexia once and for all. Without professional input but with unwavering support from my family and friends I've climbed my way to a healthy body and I'm nearing my final goal weight now. For the first time ever this feels 100 percent right.
It doesn't stop there though, once I'm there, instead of letting things drift as I have before I'm going to nurture my body, build up my fitness, feed it the right foods and most importantly stop questioning if it's right for me. Stop striving for just a few pounds lighter or a clothes size smaller. If the last year has taught me anything it's that there is so much more to life than numbers. My head has never felt so free in the 11 and a half years since I first got ill and I have never been so damn happy or secure in myself. This is the last time I'll ever have to go through the battle of recovery. I refuse to let this be my life any more. It's time, at the grand old age of 26 to finally let myself just be who I am.
It's been a long hard slog but it's made me who I am today. A person I am proud to be.
Work has continued to be fulfilling and satisfying. I was made a permanent member of the team this year and when a vacancy came up I was given regular clinical shifts too. I love my colleagues and my patients. It might get stressful at times but I always finish my working day feeling like I've made a difference to someone is some way.
I've finally found my career path and it wasn't something I'd ever considered before. Next year I hope to further my qualifications and continue to progress.
(introducing my Grandad)
Regretfully I haven't spent as much time with my old school friends as I'd have liked to in the last year and that's something I want to change. Trudi and I remain best friends and I am forever in her debt for everything she has done for me.
I'm closer than ever to my parents and to my Grandad; my continual cheerleaders who have continued to nurture and guide me. I won't ever take my family or friends for granted and I know how lucky I am to be so close to them and have them nearby. I'd like to see more of my brother, it's hard with us both working and him living in Leeds but some way or another I will make sure it happens.
We also welcomed my cousin's little boy in to the world this year- Noah James. He's bought joy to so many and helped heal emotional wounds.
I'm proud of you Soph, for raising such a gorgeous little monkey.
Mae still makes me laugh every day. Her current obsession is the bathroom. Hiding the shower puff and pulling off the toilet roll like a feline Andrex Puppy. I'm hoping she grows out of that phase but continues to stay her quirky self.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this post. It lacks direction, unlike most round ups I have seen. I think I just wanted to get some thoughts out there really, as a reminder to myself. I haven't written about blogging but needless to say I still love it. I've met more amazing and talented people and I've been presented with opportunities that I could never have predicted. I will never take the freebies and other perks for granted. Blogging is something I do for me. To help express myself and grow my confidence. To meet other people. The rest is really the most amazing plus and if it was all taken away tomorrow I'd still have a blog I'm happy with and proud of and I hope to improve it further and meet more people in the year ahead.
(As a side note, I must make more of a social effort. I haven't been out as much as I'd like this year).
I'm not making resolutions for 2014, but I'm starting it as I mean to go out.
Healthy, Happy,Determined and very much in love. I suppose that is my resolution. But a vague one. One that I can't forget about or say I didn't keep.
I entered 2013 on crutches and I'm ending it with a knackered back still.
I promise no more injuries or illness in 12 months time and NO A&E dashes this year. I always was the accident prone one. That's another mini goal right there.
And my wish for you all? You wonderful, loyal readers who always are there in my times of need (or my random twitter rants)
I just want you to be happy with whatever you do and wherever you are. I'm looking forward to another year of getting to know you and following your adventures.
Whatever life throws at you, don't let it break you.